As to not be biased to the California lifestyle and my obsession for the male surfers of America I want to say that I appreciate a lot of styles, fashions and looks about the opposite sex. Of course I have my preference in body type, sport affiliation and overall look, but I have a very keen sense for what’s hot and what’s not.
Trust me, I’m a girl whose primary social circle is male and not only the beach blonde surfer bums, but a wide range of jocks to preps, all of which have asked me for fashion advice because I do not conform to a solid norm in terms of fashion and clothing. If I like it, I buy it and rock it. So in my opinion here are the Top Five Worst Fashion Faux Pas in a guy’s wardrobe:
1. The Mandal- the male sandal or slip-on that isn’t necessarily a flip flop or socially accepted spring/summer footwear. These shoes are embarrassing. They not only age you, they show your utter lack of effort. You are advertising that you can’t pick out a decent pair of sandals or wiggle your toes into a thong. By purchasing the mandal you’re saying that you’re too lazy to even put a shoe on. If it doesn’t go on in one slip of the foot you’re not even considering wearing it. You’re not a Spartan or Jesus. I don’t care if you’re European or if their manmade from the finest leather, these shoes have got to go.
2. Cargo Shorts- Military official? Well you’ve bought yourself a little leeway, but even they wear pants and it’s more than likely mandatory. Last time I checked a guy carried keys, wallet and cell phone which seem to require the standard back pocket, whichever cheek you prefer and one front pocket. (Don’t even think about having one of those clip able phone cases, that’s a whole different story). So why on earth would you need so many pockets? The standard cargo short has what? 6. That’s too many. You end up making your legs look chunkier than they really are. They are bulky and unflattering. Unless you are going to allow your girlfriend to opt out from bringing a purse and allowing her to use your plethora of pockets I suggest you steer clear.
3. The Graphic Tee- Ok, so there is a fine line between a tee shirt with graphics and the graphic tee. A tee shirt with graphics can range from the collegiate Fraternity social tee, words of archaic wisdom, alcoholic beverages, sports affiliations, some disgusting sex joke, or just branded by a company and those would be fine. Those shirts are the norm in masculine wardrobes. It’s the Graphic Tee that boasts a different entitlement, that being, you’re a douche. All I can say is “Do less”. There’s glitter, jewels, skulls, cross bows it’s like terrible gothic fairy art. I know the Jersey Shore has glorified the acceptance of this style, but it’s unnecessary, flamboyant and obnoxious.
4. The Elastic Banded Swim Trunk- I think my grandpa called them swim trunks that says it all right there. These awful shorts are reserved for children, over-the-hill men or unknowing foreigners who are trying to respect the American’s view of a Speedo. The elastic band in itself is unattractive. It’s at least 2 inches wide and unbecoming, squeezing the midsection and allowing for unnecessary bulging. Typically the patterns are large luau flowers in various colors resembling a bad rendition of Hawaii in the 80’s. If those two qualities aren’t enough of a deal breaker the lining puts it over the edge. There is no reason that a mature adult male needs a mesh banana hammock to hold his goods. Trust me they won’t fall out of off without support.
5. The “Wife Beater”- the connotation alone should keep you away from this article of clothing. You are not Fifty Cent. I understand the necessity for use as an undershirt and it is acceptable to wear underneath your clothing as an undergarment. But as far as everyday wear, the answer is no. You should not wear this shirt alone paired with jeans, shorts or bathing suits. This garment is underwear. It does not qualify as a tank top. The rule is if there are ridges save it for private the confines of your home where you’re girlfriend and dog are the only ones who see it.
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